It is so weird how cravings work. One minute you’re totally fine, totally committed to your “B from B” (Break from Booze), and the next something minor happens that gives you a jolt of excitement, and your immediate thought is, “Woo-hoo! I want a cocktail!” And then starts the process of reigning that traitor thought in, wrestling it, reminding yourself over and over again that you’re not drinking these days. It’s sudden. It’s jarring. And yes, for me, it does take willpower to fight it. So I need to look a little more closely at these moments, pause, and as Annie Grace likes to say, become “curious” about them.
So I can NOT cave.
Like just a second ago.
Here I was sitting at my desk, doing work–while also perusing around on Facebook–and bam! My mind “goes there.” I think about how I’m getting off early today and that I’ll be sitting at the sports complex watching tennis tonight (which coincidentally has a bar), and I instantly think of ordering a margarita while my son is on the courts. Kaboom! That fast! I mean, shit. How is it so easy for my mind to link my kids’ sports with drinking?
The answer? Because I used to do it while they were at practice. It’s one of those learned patterns that I must “unlearn.” One of those neural pathways that I have to chop up with scissors and recreate with a healthy alternative, form a new route. So tonight, I’m going to grab one of our fruity Waterloos from the fridge when my son and I head off to the center, and I will sip this while he is playing. I will bring my Nook in case my mind could use a distraction, but I will also watch most of my son’s clinic (b/c I honestly enjoy it!). I will then come home, eat a healthy dinner, and then I’ll do a facemask followed by a quick shower. I’ll bathe myself in good-smelling lotion, spray a sprits of lavender over my pillow, and will entice my husband back to the bedroom–he, he, he. Afterwards, I’ll read for a little bit then go to sleep, hopefully at a decent time.
And I will not feel like shit or hate myself tomorrow morning.