Forging My Own Path

I’ve never consistently written in a blog before. I’ve started and stopped them. Started and stopped them. I think I get overwhelmed about the content, HOW you should write your posts. Should they follow a choreographed sequence, a true-to-date timeline? Should they jump around, depending upon mood or external circumstances? Should there be a set, universal theme?

What I’ve decided this go-around is that this is my blog, and I can do whatever I want. Lol. Yeah, it should sort of flow…sort of tell the story about what’s going on in my life as it happens. Sure, I’ll jump ship now and then. But overall, I want to look back on previous posts and see the progression of my “journey”—both sober and slip-ups—both good and bad.

So, on this new note… yes, this past weekend I drank. Friday night, I had a cocktail at my parents’ house then one more at home. Saturday, we went over to my mother-in-law’s for “Happy Hour” which turned into three drinks in three hours. Was I drunk either night? Not even close. Buzzed? A little on Saturday. I did get poor sleep and didn’t have much energy over the weekend, but I wasn’t down and out. I was just…. ho-hum.

This pretty much describes my drinking career. I’ve never been one to get plowed very often (I hate horrible hangovers!) I don’t reach a point of blacking out. I don’t drink all day, every day. For the most part, I know when I need to cut myself off. I have kids, a fulltime job, a house, two dogs, a lot to take care of, a lot I need to be present for. But I can see how it could all happen. I can see how easy it would be to stumble downhill. And stay there.

Because of this, I’ve decided to put some rules down. Draw some lines in the sand.

As the quit-lit books talk about, it’s important to have your “non-negotiables,” the actions that IF you take, you know you need to abstain from drinking for a lengthy period of time. For instance? Never becoming a “closet drinker,” iow., hiding booze from my husband. Never day-drinking during the workweek. Never drinking so much, I pass out. Never letting alcohol come before doing fun activities with my kids. Never sneaking vodka in a water bottle to a sporting or work event.

Like I wrote about before, I’ve done a couple of months with no booze. I just came off a period of 51 straight days (with only one “data point”), so I know I have it in me. Do I try and moderate? My head knows that it won’t work, according to everything I’ve read. My heart? It’s still not ready yet to say goodbye to booze for the rest of my life. I still have stuff to work through.

I hate to put this admission onto the page, but it’s where I’m currently at. And if it’s anything I want my blog to be, it’s to be unafraid to tell the truth. So yeah, I’ll check out this path, this “moderation” gig, and I’m assuming (and you’re probably nodding your head) that I’ll be back in a future post, saying, “Nope, not for me.” But I have a girls’ night out planned for this Thursday, and I’m going to allow myself a couple of drinks.

We’ll see how it goes…

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